Friday, November 18, 2011

One Hot Mama

Getting older sucks... okay I'm going to say it again... Getting older sucks.   To hell with the 50 is the new 30 crap that you hear. If you hear that from someone,  I wouldn't want to buy a used car from them,  because they are liars.  

Milestones that no one talks about.
30 +  Once you cross the 30 age mark you stop healing the way you once did.  
Remember when you could go on a weekend and party,  or perform some fun athletic event,  like whitewater rafting,  horseback riding etc,  and then go into work on Monday none the worse for wear...  Once you hit your 30's.. that leaves you.   Maybe it is for a reason.. you are 30 something after all so time to start acting like a grown up.   I got tossed off a horse at the age of 31 and dislocated my ankle.  The really cute emergency room doctor said.."wow.. your going to wish you broke that..."    Why?  Because your over 30 and that is going to take 6 months to heal.. WTF???  I was incredulous... but he was right.   It was 6 months before I could honestly say it didn't bother me anymore,  and it still lets me know when the weather is going to change.
40 +  40 something becomes the decade where you no longer have long enough arms to read.   It starts slowly.. you find yourself squinting at print and bitching in restaurants that the lighting is really bad.    You hold items out as far as you can to be able to read small print.   Finally you break down and buy a pair of readers at the grocery store.   1.25 magnification isn't s-o-o-o bad...right?  Besides they come in really cute colors.  Next thing you know you have 10 pairs of the suckers in varying degrees of power sprinkled all over the house/office/purse/car.  Next step must be the big sun-glass goggles that are so prevalent in sunny southern climes.
50 +  Welcome to Menopause...  Our mothers didn't really talk about it.   Yes they mentioned hot flashes in passing but really you couldn't have done a better job preparing me for this? Thank heavens layering is currently a fashion trend.   I head to work with a tank top under every outfit because I just never know when the strip show is going to begin. Now that it is winter in Ohio.. and my bedroom is kept at a comfortable  60 degrees,  I thought this would help.  But I go to bed under 2 blankets wearing fuzzy pj bottoms ,  a tank top and a sweatshirt.. and sometime during the night I find myself lying naked under a ceiling fan?   I know ,  I know you can take medication for this.. but really I don't need drugs to deal with something that is normal and natural,  even if it isn't exactly fun.  I have tried the teas,  and I know there are other herbal remedies to try.. but many of them are pricey... so...we shall see how long this phase lasts... And hopefully I won't have a house fire on one of the "those" nights.    Can't wait to see what 60 brings....

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